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Is It Condescension?

Read more articles on Life's Nuances and Let Me Share With You.

November 22, 2006

About This Editor: Karen has enjoyed her many varied experiences in corporate business management, dance education, and preschool assistance. She hopes to write about these past lives-and more-from her home in Pittsburgh, PA, where she lives with her husband, daughter, and 3 cats.

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When exactly constitutes condescension?

If you really think about it, that’s a hard one to pin down without examples. After all, in many cases the person doing the condescending is rarely obnoxious, and the tone and/or choice of words may be a person’s usual speaking style.

So how do you recognize this social slight, to prevent doing it to others?

I’ve come to the conclusion that, since condescension comes from an inflated ego, there’s nothing else to do but ignore it. Don’t take it personally. Even though the other person feels they’re on a higher level, they obviously don’t wish to appear overtly superior, which is better than outright rudeness. However, their opting to display serious formality or effusive manners, quite unnecessary for the circumstances, is a giveaway that they really don’t see themselves on the same level as they see you.

Years ago, I believe that I was condescending, yet I would have never accepted it had someone pointed it out. As a young manager, I had much older clerks reporting to me. Wanting to be the epitome of professionalism, I was diligent about making sure my directions were clear, and my appreciation that followed. At the time, I thought I was being nice, but I think that the status of my job lead me to believe that I was on a higher level-at least at work. Consequently, I felt it was my duty to effusively instruct and compliment those who did my grunt work. I was simply too young to realize that there was no need for profuse guidelines or gratitude when others were already doing their jobs. Instead of seeing us as a team, I saw them simply as my support base, so without even realizing it, I was condescending in action, if not in attitude.

Since this school year began, someone has been doing this to me. A parent thanks me ebulliently, by name, when I do nothing at all except to be there when she drops off her child . It annoys me, and makes me feel that she is generously displaying noblesse oblige towards the lowly hired help. Although I’m sure it’s not a conscious intention on her part, it makes me wonder how many parents view teachers in this same manner.

Now we all know how not to be condescending. We may also suspect, perhaps, why others are acting that way. They’re intentions aren’t harmful; they’re just on their own little pulpits at that particular moment (or particular year), so let’s give them a break-they’ll come down sooner or later…hopefully.